Whole Lotta Frustration.

Every day, I examine my current state. I try to think about what is missing within me and within my life. I try to understand what exactly I should do to become a better man. To become the best version of myself. But, the more I think about it, the more frustrated I become thinking that what I am now is not enough. I argue with myself in the mirror, saying that I am not worth it. "Look at what you are. You haven't achieved anything significant and you never will".

This is daily. I value myself on the scale of how reliable I am when things go wrong. These are the moments that put me to the test. But I now see that I demand too much of myself. I don't have a contingency plan for every situation. I am not infallible. I am poor, don't have many connections, and I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for the help of the people that care for me. Because of this, I want to say thank you to everyone that has helped me in my life. You are the reason I stand on my own two feet today.  

I will deal with my frustration and accept my shortcomings. Not because all my problems will be resolved. But because I want to be happy even with my whole lotta frustration. 

♫ You need cooling

Baby I'm not fooling

I'm gonna send ya

Back to schooling

A-way down inside

A-honey you need it

I'm gonna give you my love

I'm gonna give you my love

Want to whole lotta love

Want to whole lotta love

Want to whole lotta love

Want to whole lotta love ♫

Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin

Okay....

Something interesting happened to me just a moment ago. I started to spat blood from my mouth. I didn't have bloody teeth nor any part of my mouth. That made me more afraid than anything today. The thing is, now I feel more invigorated to fight my shitty situation. Nothing like the fearsome unknown that may hunt your body to revitalize you.