Emergency.

I am getting depressed again.

Excessive:

1) Have shoulders upstanding.

2) Have a positive mind.

3) Soften your face.

4) Use anger to your advantage.

Rearrange

I haven’t written anything in a couple of days and I was starting to fear I was going back to the same old trench hole I always dig myself into in little time. It is in these moments that I have a sensation of impending hopelessness that creeps towards me ever-so-gently but oh-so-destructively. But the reason I didn’t write thing is that I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile to put in the blog. Until now that is. Today I woke up, saw my vision board with my goals, and said: “Hey, is this alright?” 

I walked down the street towards my job and pondered some more. After 10 minutes of analyzing, I understood the problem. There are big goals on that mind. This is not bad. But I don’t have a plan or a course of action for achieving these goals. Because of this, I am obsessing over how I can achieve them but I stay put in the same place without being able to do shit about them. This may sound obvious, but I set my goals without thinking too much about the how because nobody actually has a perfect plan to achieve everything they want in life. 

That is one of the problems of my generation (Generation Y or Millennials). We are too afraid of taking a step because we don’t know what the future has in store for us. So we are paralyzed by the sheer amount of possibilities that could impend doom for our plans. After learning, I rearranged my focus towards my more achievable goals of the year. This way, I won’t obsess over something too crazy that is out of my control. Or at least, so I hope. 

♫ Just think about it Lately I've been skeptical
Silent when I would used to speak
Distant from all around me
Who witness me fail and become weak
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Id love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down

But you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain
Because you know it all and I guess things will never change
But you might need my hand when falling in your whole
Your disposition I'll remember when I'm letting go of ♫

Re-Arranged - Limp Bizkit

Nothing to Say Except This.

My mouth is shut and my feelings numb.
I don't feel horrible yet I feel dumb.
With this said, anxiety still creeps around me.
And depression is always waiting with all glee.
Because of this, today watch this and feel better as it is.

From Me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kIffc8Phfs

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ My thanks to Andrea Gibson and TED-Ed.

Delta.

I don’t have much to say regarding my current state of mind. Because of this, this blog will be about something that enjoyed this weekend. I heard a new album from a band I love. The album is old now I never got to hear it. The album is “Delta” from Mumford & Sons. Music has always had a relaxing effect on me. I think there is a song for every moment in which we feel a strong emotion. A song can describe our feelings and we can relate to them. It may be the lyrics or the melody; it depends on the person.

Delta is the last album from Mumford & Sons. The band still hasn’t gone back to its roots of more folkloric instruments like their iconic banjo. They are still experimenting with their music through the use of more modern instruments, especially those that fall in the electric category just like they did in their previous album “Wilder Minds”. The album has had mixed reviews from critics. To every person, their own opinion. But I enjoyed the album to a great degree personally. The album is soothing if I am going to describe it. 

My favorite songs so far have been “Woman”, “Picture You”, “Forever”, “42”, "Wild Heart" and “Guiding Light”. I haven’t heard the album many times so my opinion might change in the future. I think the album is a great thing to hear for people dealing with a hard moment since according to Ben Lovett, a band member, it deals with themes like death, divorce, drugs, and my personal nightmare, depression. So hearing soothing music like this just makes me feel good and calm.

♫ Where do I turn to when there's no choice to make?
And how do I presume when there's so much at stake?
I was so sure of it all

But what if I need you in my darkest hour?
And what if it turns out there is no other?
If this is our last hope
We would see a sign, oh
We would see a sign ♫

42 - Mumford & Sons

Scary World, Loving Heart.

Have you ever felt a certain level of uneasiness regarding the current state of the world? Is anxiety hitting you because everywhere you look at it, you see bad news from all parts of the world? The apathy of the people regarding present problems that have always been there and they don’t mind until these problems explode in their faces is not new. Neither is the evil and bitterness of men who impede the way of human progress and collective happiness. But this feeling is never something we can silence. 

When you wake up in the morning and feel unsure of how are you going to live your day out when the environment feels so hostile, you freeze in your place because of the fear that cripples your body. The scenarios your mind creates showing you all the possible failures and catastrophes you can experiment with, are simply horrendous. So what to do when the outside of the world makes you want to stay inside (shout outs to Bo Burnham) of your room out of fear? I know nothing and I am arguably a complete idiot. But an uncle of mine told me something reassuring once. 

“Forget about everyone else and just worry about living your life right”. A short sentence, yes. But very profound. We cannot carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We are only human. The world will keep turning and our lives will continue forward until their end. Because of this, let’s try our best, our very best to live happily in a meaningful way. Loving those that are near us and loving our neighbors making sure that we were able to smile in this life. And more importantly, we were able to make other people smile. God Bless You. 

This is a sappy blog. But it's nice to try to be a little bit more positive and less radically depressed. This won’t stop me from being depressed. But it’s something good I think.  

♫ In the cold light, I live to love and adore you
It's all that I am, it's all that I have
In the cold light, I live, I only live for you
It's all that I am, it's all that I have

So open up my eyes to a new light
I wandered 'round your darkened land all night
But I lift up my eyes to a new high
And indeed there would be time ♫

There Will Be Time - Mumford & Sons

The Fading of the Spirit.

The sensation of your high spirits fading away is really depressing. You can feel that all the hype that you had one day due to whatever reason is seeping right out of you. And you don’t know how to stop it. You try putting up smiles. You try to refocus again and again in the things that gave you that sudden feeling of adrenaline, making you feel like you are invincible and that everything is going to be alright. But nothing seems to stop this uncomfortable feeling. 

This is why I say you can’t demand people to stay positive 100% percent of the time. For me, at least, feels like trying to force myself into something that is outside of my control and will only end self-destruction which will produce the oh so familiar feeling of depression. So I just wonder how I can “recharge” my spirits and cheer up. Should I buy cake or ice cream and gobble up? Should I buy new stuff to distract me from my discouragement? I think the answer to that is no. 

In my opinion, and I talk from personal experience, the ignoring or the distractions we partake to avoid facing the feelings we have inside will make the inevitable much more disastrous when it crashes on our faces. I suggest we do something that has meaning. Talk to a friend and foment a relationship. Talk to your family and tell them you love them. Work something that will actually have fulfilling results for you, like studying a new language or a side hustle to get a little bit more money. Do something so you don’t wallow in the depression.

♫ Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough
And it's hard, at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

And maybe empty

Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here ♫

Angel - Sarah McLachlan

My Vision.

I have never been a person that expresses self-help messages in the open to people. Part of me thinks that self-repeating the same positivity message over and over again to yourself doesn’t work for all people. Maybe it works for some. But because everybody is fighting their own inner struggle with different circumstances, I don’t know if doing something like that helps. Instead, I try many different approaches so maybe I can find a way to better handle myself better.

I tried something new last week. I made a mural of pictures and inscriptions stating my new year objectives. My visions for the year per se. I won’t express them here for the sake of privacy and concentration. I believe that when you hold your plans to yourself, you are less prone to be judged. This gives you more freedom to act and think primarily in your own interests. And I am proud to say that my visions are grand. And I aim to achieve them. 

My mural is in a place where I can see it as soon as I wake up. Is inspiring and soothing at the same time. It puts a grin on my face. The best part is me thinking that I already have all these things I want. That they are already achieved and have them in my hand. Thinking about this is very fun. Let’s see what this year brings. For me, I like to think it will bring good things. For now, I grin, like somebody who has a plan and thinks that everything will be alright. 

♫ One man one goal one mission,
One heart one soul just one solution,
One flash of light yeah one god one vision

One flesh one bone,
One true religion,
One voice one hope,
One real decision,
Wowowowo gimme one vision

No wrong no right,
I'm gonna tell you there's no black and no white,
No blood no stain,
All we need is one worldwide vision ♫

One Vision - Queen

(Just gimme gimme gimme fried chicken)

The Joy of Falling and Rising.

Do you know what is thrilling? The thought of failing on a task but rising again to face it head-on. This is something very unique that I think is best seen in video games. Specifically, two games come to my mind talking about this. One is the worldwide popular Dark Souls which I have never played because I don’t have a system with the needed requirements to run it. But its famous hard-as-nails difficulty is known in the gaming industry. 

I had always wondered why people liked to bang their heads on a wall again and again until it falls by playing that game. I learned the reason this weekend. The second game that embodies the mantra of falling and rising that comes to my mind is Hollow Knight. Even with some hiccups, my computer was able to run it. And oh my I am having fun dying and trying over and over again. So, where do I want to go with this rambling of hard video games? 

The answer is to our capacity to never give up. No matter how difficult the challenge is. Some of today's biggest millionaires and billionaires were born of countless failures. I like to think that the same can apply to all of us. It seems the joy of never giving up is written in our DNA. I am pursuing happiness. You are pursuing happiness. Let’s continue looking for it and never give up. And what is most important, let us have fun in the process.

♫ You rise you fall
Your down then you rise again
What don't kill you will make you more strong
You rise you fall
Your down then you rise again
What don't kill you will make you more strong
Rise fall down rise again
What don't kill you will make you more strong
Rise fall down rise again
What don't kill you will make you more strong
Through black days
Through black nights
Through pitch black insights

Breaking your teeth on the hard live coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Breaking your life broken, beat & scarred
We die hard ♫

Broken, Beat & Scarred - Metallica

Refocusing Energy.

Have you ever played the lottery? There is a feeling I get when I play the lottery. Is like a sudden spike of energy that comes to me out of nowhere. Automatically, my mind jumps to all the great things I could do with the money I could win. I feel high out of the sheer excitement this brings. But then, I see the results of the lottery and my spirit falls and touches rock bottom due to the absolute disappointment that I didn’t win. This is a roller coaster of emotions. 

I think this is not healthy. Looking for a way to change a current not-so-good situation for the better is not bad. Is actually admirable and respectful. But the problem is that the means you might be using to achieve this might not be reliable. It hurts your expectations. It hurts your ambitions. And it hurts your spirit. Making you more cynical bit by bit. This is very harmful in the long run. I think the best thing to do is to try to harness the energy we get when we do things like playing the lottery. 

Energy is something amazing when you focus it on something productive. And this “something” doesn’t have to be a business or a way to get money necessarily. It could be something you enjoy and you wish to do for kicks. This sometimes brings the best of us. We never know what we are capable of until we take action and just do things. Refocusing energy might sound stupid like a scam. But I think it could work. You could do something funny and cool for the giggles. Example……

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsV2K-6hDa8

＼(￣▽￣)/＼(￣▽￣)/＼(￣▽￣)/＼(￣▽￣)/

Looking for Good News.

When we want something, many times we are the killers of our own ambition. The reasons from the top of my head could be either our lack of self-confidence in the matter or the second which is the theme of this text blog piece. The second reason is, in my opinion, the anxiety and the desperation which we feel when we are waiting for the good news regarding our plans and objectives. I think many people can relate to this. You can’t take the wait. You want to know if things went well for you.

This sensation of excitement and thrill can feel really good. But at the same time, it can be unbearable. So, you act in order to alleviate your tension. You want to know if things went good or bad. The thing is that when you do that, you might be trying to force the world and the people who are responsible for your result to give you a good answer. Doing this could spell ruin. Few things in this world are as universally hated as being forced to do something or having someone else force their will upon you. 

I am the prime subject for whom this piece is being written right now. There are things I wish to accomplish. But I don’t have any control over them except the work I already put into them. It is now in the hands of those who have the last word and in the hands of God. I pray it goes well. If you read this and have plans and ambitions you want to be fulfilled, I will pray for you, hoping all goes well for you. If you want, please pray for me too. Have a good day or night, wherever you are.

♫ Said woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow and we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience (Patience)
Mm, yeah ♫

Patience - Guns N' Roses

Seeds and Obstacles.

Opportunity is not something that you can always control. Sometimes we make them happen. All things we wish for sometimes fall into our hands in perfect order so that we can exploit the moment and make the best of our given divine chance. But most of the time, opportunities are bald and we still must grab them by the hair. It is just that difficult. So, when life gives us lemons, but those lemons are extremely sour and not to our liking, how do we make lemonade?

I would like to change the saying first. I don’t think life gives us lemons actually. Anybody can call them however they want. But I like to call them seeds. You can nurture the seed so it grows. And make something good out of it. So I think when I want something, think the following: “let’s try to either plant this seed to see if it can bloom”. Example: A cousin from the USA gave me used components of a PC. I love gaming so I have always wished to build my own gaming PC.

But I have no money. And the PC parts are INCREDIBLY sub-par (an i5 fifth-generation processor for example) of what is considered good or decent today. But with that said, I think I will make a miniature budget to build my very own sub-par gaming PC. The budget shall be around $100 dollars. It won’t be an amazing gaming PC. But it will be a seed that I shall nurture with care and love. So I am thankful for the components and for the opportunity. Though I am sure that if Linus Tech Tips saw the computer, he would cry with horror and shame┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ . 

♫ Let's say sunshine for everyone
But as far as I can remember
We've been migratory animals
Living under changing weather

Someday we will foresee obstacles
Through the blizzard, through the blizzard
Today we will sell our uniform
Live together ♫

Obstacles - Syd Matters