Fear, Pain, And Paranoia.

I don’t know what it’s going to happen today. Today is a day of uncertainty which is driving me mad. I am in the middle of an insane battle against my mind trying to find a positive perspective and outlook for my future. The reason is that now, at this moment I am suffering from terrible pain from my left shoulder which is expanding through the entirety of my left upper body and my arm. The pain feels really strong. I already took painkillers but I can still feel it. Is worrisome, to say the least. 

I have been feeling this pain for a while. Didn’t think much of it. But now it feels too real. Feels too strong. I will go to the doctor. I need to. I have been avoiding it because I don’t have the money. But the fear is building right in front of me. A monster is living under my bed and it will grow into a gigantic beast as long as it remains in the dark where everything is possible and the imagination will feed it until the fears become unbearable. I pray that my imagination is the main culprit of my fears and that nothing is too serious.

Fear, pain, and paranoia. These three things combined can destroy you. Do not let them take over you, never. God is your friend, and he tells you; Be brave and be strong.

“ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." 

Joshua 1:9 – BIBLE

♫ I'll prolly die anonymous

I'll prolly die with promises

I'll prolly die walkin' back home from the candy house

I'll prolly die 'cause these colors are standin' out

I'll prolly die because I ain't know Demarcus was snitchin'

I'll prolly die at these house parties, fuckin' with bitches

I'll prolly die from witnesses leavin' me false accused

I'll prolly die from thinkin' that me and your hood was cool

Or maybe die from pressin' the line, actin' too extra

Or maybe die because these smokers

Are more than desperate

I'll prolly die from one of these bats and blue badges

Body slammed on black and white paint, my bones snappin'

Or maybe die from panic or die from bein' too lax

Or die from waitin' on it, die 'cause I'm movin' too fast

I'll prolly die tryna buy weed at the apartments

I'll prolly die tryna diffuse two homies arguin'

I'll prolly die 'cause that's what you do when you're 17

All worries in a hurry, I wish I controlled things ♫

FEAR. – Kendrick Lamar.