Writing again.
Feels uncomfortable to write now because
I feel so worthless. My lack of consistency
hurts my resolve and my own search of virtue.
But I won’t dwell too much in that. My pain, my problems, and my lack of peace
of mind will just aggravate the more I criticize myself. Still, the theme I am
writing about today after my relapse is my very own self-pity and sense of
worthlessness regarding my current state of mind and look on the future. Seems
fitting knowing how utterly hopeless my future looks to me.
What can I do to solve my problems? What the fuck can I do to pay my debt
faster when you live in a third world country earning around what would be in
dollars US$500 to live and pay your expenses, and you owe US$23,856.86 out of a
University degree that doesn’t seem to be paying back the investment in
education? I don’t know. Work more? Get a second job? But if I do that, that I
will get to my house even more tired and burn my life away, only living to pay
the money I worked so hard to somebody else.
I am very thankful for my job. If I didn’t have it, things may be worse.
But I as go own and working, I feel bad. I feel worthless. How can I change?
No song today. I don’t feel good.
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