Relapse.

I am ashamed to be writing right now. I said before that I would try to write more to help myself with my battles against depression and anxiety. Well, I didn’t fulfill that statement. More than a week has passed without me writing anything. I suppose I need to just continue on with this even if I am not consistent. I only have this place where I can articulate my thoughts freely without looking crazy or dumb. So I will continue to write without trying to judge myself so much. 

Back to the point, I had a relapse last week. I was again feeling horrifyingly sad and hopeless. The more I think of my inability to change my situation, help my family, and pay my debts, the more I feel like a slave to my own misery without a chance to break free. I don’t know what to do. That is all. I don’t know what actions are needed to make my life better. This feeling is overwhelming. Really, uncertainty is a nightmare for someone like me. I just hope I can overcome this phase of my life.

 ♫ I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free ♫

I Want To Break Free - Queen